Bakuhatsu no Naruto
by ShadowedAuthor
Summary: Naruto was psychotic, everybody agreed. He was annoying, he was disruptive, he was lazy and distracted; Kakashi had wondered why such a person would train as a shinobi, and then he experienced one of his homemade explosive tags, firsthand. Pyromaniac!Naruto.


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto (rightfully owned by Masashi Kishimoto) nor do I make any money out of this fiction. I will also add that any sections or phrases in this chapter that bear resemblance to works by either author or from movies based on works of said authors is recreated in the same spirit of free usage and is not for profit.

A/N: Since I was stumped writing anything else that I should have been working on (HI and SNN), I figured I would at least put something together. This fic has been on my mind for a few years now and I wrote most of this first chapter sometime last year.

I hope you like it.

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_~August 26__th__ 12 A.K.A. (After Kyubi Attack)~_

The castle was quaking with activity, with hundreds upon hundreds of boots marching through the halls towards their location. The Daimyo's soldiers were already trying to break down the thick wooden doors and soon they would be aided by the countless number converging on their location.

The sound of them, running and marching and kicking at the door and shouting orders at them, was deafening. Naruto enjoyed loud noises as much as the next teenager but this was really starting to bother him.

The reinforcements were at the door now and the noise died down as they conferred on how best to finally break down the sturdy door. Naruto was ready for them, he had been ready for five minutes but he couldn't just open the door for them. They would never appreciate it unless they worked for their slaughter.

The doors shook with the next resounding boom.

"A battering ram…" Naruto remarked, waiting for the next swing, "Surprised it took them this long to think of that."

He turned to the other occupant of the room and smirked, "How many swings do you think it'll take them?"

The feminine scream hurt his ears more than all of the combined shouting had moments before.

"I think two more. Can't be more than three. If it is, I'll have to let them in. I can't be waiting here all day."

The doors shook again and buckled a little, a ring of cracks appearing around the frame. A moment more of respite and then the doors shook and moved, just enough, and then started to lazily swing open. The lock busted, the double doors drifted open revealing the crowded soldiers all staring into the room, some holding their weapons and all of those in the middle still bearing the weight of the battering ram.

"You guys should work out more." Naruto smiled.

The soldiers seemed to be a little stunned by the scene they witnessed in the room, presumably because the female occupant was supposed to be safely secured in another part of the castle. One of the nameless grunts in a fancier uniform than his comrades shouted out the first orders now that they could see the situation, "Put down the knife and step away from the princess and you will not be harmed!"

Naruto looked at the princess held against his chest and then tilted his neck to get a better look at the knife he was holding to her quivering throat. He whistled. "I don't think the Daimyo would be too happy to hear you let little old me go after I held a kunai to his pretty princess' pretty neck. I think he might kill you." He nodded solemnly. "I can't let you do that, Mr. Soldier. I care too much about you."

"Let the princess go!" The captain shouted again, rudely interrupting Naruto.

"Fine, you know what, I don't care if he does have you killed. That's right, I'm gonna let you let me go, without anybody getting hurt and then…" He thought for a second. "Oh! You almost got me. Reverse psychology, right? Very clever." He smiled.

The captain was leading his men to slowly advance into the room while Naruto was deep in thought, trying to work out where his flawless logic had let him down.

"Wait!" He shouted suddenly, freezing the slowly advancing division of troops, "I've got it! If I keep the princess and go and talk to the Daimyo, we can probably save your life, Captain!"

Naruto pushed the princess to get her moving forward and kept close to her, his kunai still resting against the soft skin of her throat. They walked right towards the hundreds of soldiers cluttering up the doorways and hall, who were tracking him with the combined intensity Naruto had never felt before. It was hard not to let the attention go to his head.

He walked forward into the crowded soldiers and when one tried to rush forward, Naruto's other hand shot up and a second kunai flew into the impatient soldier's chest, sending him to the ground. The other grouped together men took a step back and Naruto smiled again.

He kept on advancing slowly, pushing the whimpering girl ahead of him as he parted the endless armed men. They re-formed ranks behind him and kept their spears and swords all pointed at him.

"You know, I think they don't like you." He whispered into the princess' ear. "You shouldn't point weapons at girls like this, you know!" He yelled at the soldiers.

They kept on trying to command him to surrender but Naruto knew where he was going. He had been staying in the Daimyo's castle for days now so he knew the way. He supposed kidnapping a guy's princess like this was considered by most as poor manners but really he felt the Daimyo could do with a reminder of the impermanence of beautiful things.

He strolled through the throngs of people, occasionally making the princess scream by twisting her arm higher behind her back to deter the over-eager armed men behind him.

"Captain! Where's my Captain?!" He yelled without looking behind himself.

The same captain that had ordered him earlier made his way to the font of the crowd.

"Thank goodness, I was so worried about you!" Naruto gushed at the stranger.

"What are your demands?" The soldier asked. "Who are you working with?"

"Right now? I suppose you could say I'm self-employed. Backbone of the economy. Bow down before me!" He laughed.

The solders all looked confused by the clearly disturbed shinobi. "What are your demands?" The captain repeated, frustrated that this enemy was still walking through them with impunity.

"I just told you!" Naruto was exasperated, "I wanted you all to bow down. You know, this is why we had to split up earlier, Captain; you never listen to _my _needs!"

"Hime-chan, do you think I should take back the dashing Captain or should I try my luck with the handsome Daimyo?" He asked.

She trembled and opened her mouth but couldn't utter more than a few inarticulate syllables.

Naruto continued to make his way through the threatening people until he reached the gigantic doors of the throne room. "I think the Daimyo might be compensating for something, what do you guys think?" He looked at the princess' face next to his but she was too terrified to understand and then he tried the captain's but his was just the same rage he had been sporting since they met.

"Can you knock for me, Captain? My hands are kind of full at the moment." Naruto asked, looking up at the doors as tall as houses.

The doors did creak open eventually with no knocking required.

"Thank you."

He walked into the throne room and found another division of soldiers waiting for him, all standing around the throne itself, protecting the fat Daimyo sitting on the on his raised chair and watching Naruto approach fearfully.

"Let go of my sweet, you treacherous scum!" The Daimyo yelled, his fear transforming into rage as the men behind Naruto filed into the vast stone chamber and gave the noble a confidence boost.

"You know, greed is an ugly emotion, my lord. I think I should show you something even prettier than… I'm afraid I never asked your name." Naruto said, addressing the princess. She stuttered something but once again it was illegible. "I have the same problem with public speaking." Naruto added, glancing around the room at the three hundred heavily armed men.

The insane blond shrugged and swung the enormous scroll from his back and struggled to hold one end in his free hand. It was three-feet tall, dangling from his outstretched hand, coloured bright orange like Naruto's simple painters overalls. He flicked a hidden switch on the top end of the scroll centre, releasing a sharp spike from the bottom.

Naruto raised it a couple more inches and then thrust the scroll downwards, driving the spike into the marble floor and sticking the enormous scroll to the ground. "This right here is a thing of beauty." He bit his thumb and let it drip onto the end sticking up.

"Sorry about the floor, by the way. I don't think the cleaner's gonna be able to buff out that hole." He frowned, as the blood continued to flow onto the top end of the wooden roller.

"What do you want?! And where're the others?!" The Daimyo was not used to being ignored, even by the flighty boy he had hosted for the past week.

Naruto was still smiling but it was starting to look a little strained. His vast chakra reserves were contributing to the ocean of chakra already residing within his magnum opus but those reserves were now running low. For the small price of his blood, all of the chakra in his body and all the chakra he had been able to imbue in a week of dedicated sealing work, plus a hundred more of his personalised exploding tags stored inside of the scroll, he would get to see some pretty fireworks before he was consumed by the fire.

He was beginning to lose consciousness as his chakra began slowing to a stop, which was not a great thing. He was still holding a princess hostage, surrounded by an army of hundreds, maybe thousands of tense soldiers, and facing down a furious Daimyo while his most powerful exploding seal ever ticked down to its detonation.

"I think I may have miscalculated somewhere along the way." He whispered to the princess. It helped to confide in close friends who had a knife their necks.

The princess turned her head as much as the kunai would allow and scowled at him.

-OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO-

_~August 11__th__ 12 A.K.A.- 15 Days Earlier~_

Naruto ambled up to his teammates looking particularly pleased with himself despite being even later to arrive than their routinely tardy sensei.

"Morning!" He called as he reached them on the bridge, his bare feet enjoying the smooth wood more than the gravel path.

"You're late, knucklehead!" Sakura screamed at him and punched him in the head, unable to suppress her rage when dealing with her incredibly annoying teammate. It was after noon.

Naruto clutched his head bump and chuckled, "Knucklehead, good one! You know, I think I like your sense of humour almost as much as I love your temper. When will you stop flirting with me and say yes to my standing invitation to a romantic evening under the stars-"

"Shut up, freak!" She screamed again and punched him in the chest, sending him flying into the railings of the bridge.

"You know, I'm starting to think we should talk to a counsellor or something. I mean, I don't mind the domestic abuse so much, it's your explosive temperament that drew me to you in the first place, but we never seem to talk any more. I talk and you scream and hit. Where's the love?"

Sakura tried to suppress her scream this time, knowing that the more she reacted the more he enjoyed it.

"Sakura, stop hitting Naruto, Naruto, stop bothering Sakura. Why can't you both be more like Sasuke here?" Kakashi gestured to the Uchiha who was standing nonchalantly against the railing, ruing the day he had been assigned to work alongside the blond freak and the fangirl with a temper.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun!" She simpered.

"I'm sorry too, Sasuke-kun." Naruto mimicked. "Does this mean you won't still bear my children?" He asked Sasuke, making the Uchiha single him out with his glare

"Shut up, Naruto." Kakashi commanded which finally earned him some silence. "You missed missions yesterday and the day before. Your pay has been docked and you are expected to explain your absences to the Hokage the next time you see him. Try and come up with a good excuse by then or he'll suspend you from duty."

"So?" Naruto pouted. "They're not really missions anyway. They're just chores. I could do so much more if we could just go on a real mission."

"Those chore-missions are meant to train you to work as a team, which you three desperately need." Kakashi regretted the day he had accepted these three as his students. He should have let the last team pass the test. "You will be performing missions with us from now on or you will be suspended pending a formal hearing. If you don't do your duties, no matter how boring or mundane, you will be demoted back to the Academy for another year or dropped from the program altogether."

Naruto scowled but kept his mouth shut for a change. He didn't want to risk his shinobi career before it even properly started.

"Are we going to get a mission today, sensei?" Sakura asked, deciding to ignore Naruto-baka from now on. It was undignified to let Sasuke-kun see her like that all the time.

"Yes, but after training." Kakashi said. "You're just going to be sparring today. Work out some of those youthful emotions. Same rules as last time, no lethal blows, no crippling ones, no exploding tags, Naruto. Okay?"

He got a chorus of, "Yes, sensei." From all three.

"Good." He smiled and ushered them over into the training field.

Kakashi paired Naruto off against Sakura first, figuring she would appreciate the chance to shut him up more forcefully. Belying his confidence and mouth, other than his stamina and physical fortitude, Naruto was not all that formidable or fast unless it was a straight run.

At his signal, they commenced. Sakura was much faster than Naruto so she used her agility to keep out of the range of his enormous, heavy gloves. She darted in to strike him and darted back out, which Naruto was too slow to counter. She repeated this a few times but her hits weren't heavy enough to put him down.

He goaded her with another of his mocking confessions, drew her in to his range and took a solid swing at her, hitting her in her gut and sending her skidding back a few feet and clutching her middle.

He smirked and then continued, "You know, I think you should wear white, after all, on the big day. I know it's a little traditionalist, but when we marry I want to see you in a beautiful white gown with the long satin gloves and everything. I was thinking we could have Sasuke-chan be the maid of honour. What do you think?" He smiled pleasantly.

"Shannaro!" Sakura screamed, but unlike last time when he was able to goad her into losing focus, this time she just got angry enough to flip forward and perform a textbook hammer kick to the top of his head, sending him to the floor.

He groaned and frowned at her for a change. He was rubbing the top of his head, which appeared to be bleeding, and shakily got back to his feet, trying to ignore the pounding headache that was already throbbing away.

Sakura had jumped back, still unable to believe that the freak could take a heavy kick to the top of the head and not only remain conscious but get up afterwards to continue fighting!

"That's enough!" Kakashi called. "Sakura's the winner."

"Aww, no fair!" He complained. "I could have continued."

"You were about to pull a tag out of your pocket." Kakashi said.

Naruto grumbled but accepted his loss. He was glad to stumble over to a tree and rest against it. He shirked his gloves off and rubbed his head some more.

"Naruto, you take a break. Sasuke, you against Sakura."

The fight between them was nothing like Naruto's, with Sakura lacking the conviction or motivation to really attack her crush. Sasuke stayed composed and used his efficient melee techniques to disable her in ten precise moves.

"Can you continue, Naruto?" Kakashi asked his quietly.

"Sure, no problem." Naruto griped. His head was killing him, probably would all day, but he had yet to pass up an opportunity to fight Sasuke.

"Next up is Sasuke versus Naruto."

"What's the point? Dobe couldn't even beat Sakura." Sasuke complained, looking like he would rather be shadow boxing.

"Well, Sasuke, the point is so you can learn to fight different styles and also get to know your teammates' patterns for when you fight side by side."

"A waste of time." Sasuke rebuked.

"Shut up, Sasuke-chan!" Naruto screamed, pulling his gloves back on.

"Okay, since you two want to burn off some of your excess hormones, let's change things a bit. You may both use your ninjutsu or seals but no attempted murder, okay? I will be watching and will step in if it looks like you might die. Hopefully this will teach you some restraint." Or ease his heavy burden by one annoying Genin. Either one would work.

"Sensei, Sasuke will kill the idiot." Sakura warned.

"Don't be too sure, Sakura. Naruto's seals are no joke. I'm more worried for Sasuke's safety than Naruto's. Sasuke at least has some self-control."

Naruto was already smiling as he stood across from Sasuke, his hand dipping into his weapons pouch in preparation. Naruto knew he had no chance with taijutsu so he would start with his specialty. Sasuke sunk into the Uchiha fighting stance, clearly ready to jump off the instant Kakashi commenced the fight. Sasuke had seen the dobe's seals in action before and knew he only stood a chance if he could close the gap in less than 2.5 seconds.

Plenty of time.

"Begin!" Kakashi called.

Sasuke leapt forward, anticipating either Naruto would try to throw out a tag or a kunai, or he would run forward to meet him, either way the last Uchiha was confident he could put the dobe on the floor in under 4 seconds.

However, instead of facing the enemy head on, Naruto did something Sasuke had never anticipated and jumped backwards, throwing his tag-laden kunai out as he moved. Sasuke ran right into what he assumed was going to be an inferno. Instead it was one of Naruto's concussive tags, exploding only a few feet from Sasuke's face and sending him flying aside like he had been kicked by a horse.

He spun in the air, trying to reassert himself when he landed but his axis was off by a fraction and he stumbled. He was barely able to jump away in time to dodge the next tag that was sent his way. This was one of Naruto's standard exploding tags that went off with the force of three standard tags sold in the village. The blast sent Sasuke flying further back than his jump had intended, so he used the airtime to run through the handseals of his favoured technique.

Naruto had run in after the explosion cleared but Sasuke had been waiting with his lungs filled and his hand at his mouth. "Katon: Grand fireball!"

Naruto barely had time to dive out of the way and his feet got a little warmer than comfortable.

He rolled to his feet and found himself standing across from Sasuke again. His hand reached into his pocket again and pulled out a scroll and a brush. Naruto's speciality was writing his seals in the heat of the moment, which meant that whatever he had in mind would be destructive. Likewise, Sasuke had pulled out a handful of kunai and shuriken, ready to launch his own special shuriken-jutsu.

"Okay, that's enough you two. It's a draw." Kakashi said as he appeared in between his rambunctious students. It was likely a full blown fight between these two would end with one killing the other, and Kakashi wanted to stop them before they (Naruto) caused any more damage to the training field.

"A draw?! I totally had Sasuke-chan on the run!" Naruto yelled.

"The deadlast was about to lose anyway." Sasuke said cooly.

Kakashi knew better than to let either one win over the other. He had been training his students for a couple months now and any time one won a spar, the other would inevitably start a fight the next day.

More often than not it had been Naruto feeling vengeful, ironically.

Sasuke scowled at the pyromaniac idiot, resenting his inexplicable strength, and Naruto stuck his tongue out at Sasuke for being a perpetual teme.

"I think that's enough training for today." Kakashi announced.

"But we've only been training for twenty minutes, sensei." Sakura complained.

"Blame Naruto for being late." Kakashi replied, pulling out his orange book. Truth be told, he was afraid if they trained any longer, the destruction Naruto caused to the surroundings would get Kakashi in trouble. He did not intend to spend his hard-earned money paying for another team to repair the crater left behind by his least favourite student.

"You were late too!" Naruto argued.

"How would you know, dobe?" Sasuke retorted.

"Shut up, duck butt!" Naruto screamed.

"You shut up, Naruto!" Sakura lost her cool again.

Kakashi sighed and snapped shut his book. With how prone these three were to getting into fights, he did not get nearly enough time to enjoy his smut. How they had managed to work together long enough to pass the bell test, he would never know.

"We're going to go and take a D-rank mission." Kakashi said. "No arguments, Naruto."

Naruto grumbled but he had been pre-empted. He followed along with his teammates, mumbling threats. Just as they were leaving the training ground, he turned and threw out all of the tags he had left over in his pockets, making a huge bang and leaving a sizeable crater in the centre of the area.

"Naruto, why did you set off those tags? I told you training was over."

"I know, Kaka-sensei, but I drew those tags out earlier and I hate keeping things like that. I can always make some more."

Kakashi formed as he looked back at the destruction. Maybe the Hokage would believe him if he said it was like that when they got there…

Naruto was always unusually subdued when dealing with the Hokage, Sakura observed. It was the one time he was bearable to be around, when he would thankfully sink into the background and shirk any and all attention despite how friendly their leader was to him. Now, though, without him making a ruckus or proposing to her, she could take a few minutes to quietly appreciate her Sasuke-kun in peace.

Kakashi took the proffered mission scroll from Umino Iruka, examining its contents critically, before sliding it into his flak jacket and bowing to the Hokage. The elderly shinobi was smiling at him, obviously amused at the mission given to his team.

"Best of luck, Team 7." He said as parting, and called the next team in for their assignment.

"Thank you, Hokage-sama." They all filed out and exited the building.

"So, what did we get? Dog walking, house painting, carrying groceries?" Naruto whined as soon as they were outside.

"Now, now, I think you might actually like this one, Naruto." He said, pulling the scroll back out. "We have been commissioned to replace the damaged fence section around a nearby lake."

"Sounds like more bull-crap chores to me." Naruto said. "Can I at least dispose of the old fence posts my own way?" He grinned.

"How many times does he have to tell you, no goddamn explosives on D-ranks!" Sakura screamed.

"The fence is the one around New Lake, outside of the village." Kakashi revealed before a further fight could break out.

"Outside of the village?" Sakura beamed. They had never been out of the village on any missions or training before, so this felt like another small step towards being a real ninja. Even Naruto looked satisfied, quietening down for a change.

The lake itself was only a mile outside of the village, and five hundred metres across, fenced all around because of the sudden drop into the water that was deemed hazardous to people who might fall in.

The three Genin had been issued work gloves and were immediately put to task pulling out the old posts.

"When was this lake created?" Sasuke spoke up, looking to their resident bookworm after wiping sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. He knew the lake had been artificially made recently, but he wasn't sure when or by whom.

Sakura looked thrilled to be asked, even if it was for her encyclopaedic knowledge rather than a personal question, but then her mind went blank. "Oh, um, I'm not sure actually. It was a year or two ago, I think."

Naruto laughed from nearby, triumphantly pulling out a stubborn, half-rotted post and falling flat on his back with a grunt. If it wasn't blowing stuff up or pissing people off, Naruto really was useless at most things. Still, despite being on his back he continued laughing. "It wasn't years. The lake was made like six/seven months ago."

"What would you know, dobe?" Sasuke said.

Sakura agreed that it was ridiculous that Naruto would know something she didn't. As far as she had seen, he hadn't cracked open a book about anything but sealing when they were at the Academy. "Yeah, how do you know that?"

"I made it. It's a big crater from my biggest ever explosion." He smiled proudly, gazing fondly at what he claimed was his work.

Sasuke and Sakura stared at their dangerously insane teammate and then Sasuke snorted and turned back to his work, unable to believe for more than a second that their, admittedly talented, fūinjutsu user could have caused such devastation as to reshape the landscape.

Sakura gritted her fist and tried to cool her temper since Sasuke was there and had already seen her attack the idiot in an unladylike manner several times that day.

Naruto didn't stop smiling even as he noticed his teammates dismissing his awesomeness. Granted, the shell of his work was nothing compared to the ecstatic beauty of his explosions in progress, but it was still nice to come back here.

It was a few hours later, when they were finishing the installation of the replacement fencing panels, that Kakashi returned from wherever he had disappeared to. Probably sat in the shade with a drink and his porn, Sakura thought. He appraised their work, nudging a couple of planks with his foot to make sure they were nailed on tight.

"Looks like fine work." He said, wandering along the lake perimeter until he reached them.

"Hey, Sensei, could you tell us when the lake was made? It was made by a jutsu, right?" Sakura asked, looking forward to wiping that self-satisfied smirk off of the idiot's face.

"The exact details are classified, I'm afraid." Kakashi said, glancing away from two of his Genin to the third. "But I _can_ tell you that some idiot was experimenting with a new technique using hundreds of exploding tags all linked together and almost killed himself, leaving behind a huge crater and managing to blow out half the windows in the eastern district of Konoha."

Sasuke's mouth dropped open. He span around to look at Naruto but the orange-garbed moron was still smiling as he had been all afternoon.

"That really was you?!" Sakura said, more disbelieving than angry this time. He remembered that day. People thought Iwa was invading, or that the Kyubi was attacking again.

"I'm not allowed to talk about it." Naruto sullenly admitted. He would probably get away with telling them it was him, but he was not allowed to discuss the technique, which had been made forbidden, and he wasn't allowed to tell them about his punishment. He was still paying off the village for all the windows and this fence. He owed the village treasury A LOT of money.

"You already told us, dobe." Sasuke said, clearly interested.

"What? No I didn't!" Naruto said, averting his eyes.

"Yes you did, we- I-!" Sakura gritted her teeth and reminded herself that it was her own fault for engaging with him.

Sasuke wanted to know more about such a powerful technique but he knew that without Sakura goading Naruto on, he'd never divulge anything useful.

"Glad to hear you haven't been saying things you're not supposed to." Kakashi said with an eye smile. "Now, shall we go and collect our pay? Well, some of us will collect our pay."

Naruto growled but quickly forgot his anger when an idea for seal came to him and he started working on that instead. The others, now used to Naruto's moments of distraction, started back towards the village and trusted that he would follow them.

Sakura hung back a little, trying to act nonchalant and let Naruto overtake her so she could catch a glimpse of the big scroll he was holding right in front of his face.

While she had no interest in Naruto and wished she could find some way of getting him kicked off her team, everyone knew that Naruto was a genius at blowing things up. He was probably a sealing prodigy (but only when it came to explosives). However, no one she knew had ever actually got a good look at his seals.

Sakura didn't know that much about sealing but she was certainly curious how Naruto, moron that he was, could generate such explosive reactions with homemade sealing arrays.

No matter how preoccupied Naruto seemed to be by whatever innovation his warped mind had concocted, as soon as Sakura was able to catch the barest glimpse of whatever he was scribbling on the scroll, he rolled it up and put it away without seeming to notice her movements. To the casual observer, it would have looked like bad timing, but Sakura had tried this manoeuvre several times and Naruto always knew when she was prying and never let her see.

Sakura was frustrated but consoled herself that she wasn't alone. At the academy, when it became apparent that Naruto had a talent for sealing but refused to share his designs, it became a game amongst her classmates to try and spy on his work. No one had ever succeeded and, as far as she knew, Sakura was the only one who was still trying.

They all received their mission pay at the Hokage tower and were allowed to go their own separate ways for lunch. Kakashi had largely given up on team meals since Sasuke clearly hated them and Naruto spent the entire time seeing if he could get Sakura to throw her food at him. They would reconvene after lunch for some afternoon training drills and then go for another D-rank.

It was an ongoing contest between Naruto and his sensei, to see who could arrive later to team meetings. Naruto would argue that it was a rigged contest since his instructor held all the power in their dynamic and would punish Naruto for being later, whereas Naruto could do nothing to rebuke Kakashi for doing the same. Kakashi would argue that it wasn't a contest.

But he'd be damned if he was going to be outdone by the brat twice in one day.

When he arrived, he was glad his smirk was hidden by his mask. Naruto was already arguing with Sakura, so he'd been there at least thirty seconds.

"They're perfectly clean, you're just too precious." Naruto said.

"They're hardly clean. Get rid of the dirt and I doubt there'd be enough cloth left to cover you."

"Don't get me started on you, princess." Naruto groused.

"What did you call me?!" Sasuke advanced, itching for a fight, so Kakashi knew it was time to intercede.

"Aww. My cute little Genin missed their sensei so inconsolably, they started to lash out at each other. All of the other Jounin sensei will be so jealous when I tell them!" He fake-gushed.

"Yeah right, who would miss you?" Naruto snarked.

"Oh? So, are you saying that the three of you are just _too _full of youthful energy to settle down?"

The three of them immediately piped down. They had long since learned their lesson about 'youthful energy.' That was Kakashi's excuse to torture them with harsh training until they were all left twitching on the ground. Even Naruto was unwilling to invite that sort of treatment upon himself.

"Oh, good. Just my imagination, then." Kakashi smiled. "Now, what to do with my rambunctious Genin? Sprinting drills? Testing your field knowledge? Hmm, maybe weapon accuracy practice?" It was fun to watch each of his students in turn look excited and then disappointed when he moved on to someone else's specialty.

While having a cohesive team would be better (and safer) in the long run, and was the end goal of the team, if they were all going to be at each others' throats anyway, he might as well have some fun with them.

"I think we'll work on your teamwork today." He said cheerfully, eliciting three exaggerated groans. "That's the spirit. Now, I want to play a game. You three are going to count to one hundred and then you're going to come and find me. The first to land a hit on me wins."

"We just have to land one hit?" Sasuke said, confident that his recent improvements would make striking his sensei (a feat he had managed even during the bell test) positively easy.

"Yep, just one. Though," He turned to look directly at the blond problem, "That means a _physical_ hit. Explosions don't count."

Naruto's continuing smirk was unsettling the Jounin, "Sure, sensei. Whatever you say…"

"Well, I clearly don't have to teach you anything about menacing people. Comes naturally to you."

"Among other negative personality traits." Sakura muttered.

"And on that note, I'm off. See you later, you three." Kakashi said with two-fingered salute. He'd just given himself at least a couple hours of peace. He'd like to take a nap but it would be more fun to keep moving. Wouldn't want to make it too easy on the brats.

The second the adult had left the clearing, Naruto was preparing to jump after him.

"What are you doing, idiot? He said count to one hundred. If you can't count that high, Sakura can help you with some of the _big _numbers, I bet." Sasuke said.

"He's a Jounin. It's gonna be impossible to find him if he gets any time to hide. If we follow him now, we can see where he goes, wait another hundred seconds, and then we'll be done."

"That's brilliant," Sakura said, "except he's a Jounin, like you said, and he'll know he's being followed, dumbass."

"He won't know if we're careful."

"Yeah, because you're the stealth expert of the team." Sasuke said.

"You know what, you two don't appreciate my contribution to the team nearly enough!"

"What contribution? You hardly ever actually help out." Sakura said.

"You don't show up to missions half the time." Sasuke added.

"And you just end up upsetting the clients when you do. Or causing damage. Or annoying us and Kakashi-sensei."

"See, this is exactly what I'm talking about! You two are just bullies."

"Bullies?" Sasuke said, disbelieving.

"Yeah! Just because these chores are boring as hell and I can't use my skills. If we went on an actual mission, I'd make you two eat my dust. I'd probably get a field promotion in the first week."

"Dobe, if we ever go on a real mission, you'll be lucky to avoid a court marshal."

"Hey…" Sakura tried to interject.

"Please. You're just jealous because you know I'd be way better in actual combat than you. I'd win all our fights if I could use my fully powered tags."

"You lose all of our spars because you're a loser. Face it."

"Guys." Sakura tried again but Naruto and Sasuke were squaring off now. In less than a minute, they would be fighting, in less than five, the training grounds would be trashed again and Naruto would have lost.

"And another thing, your hair-"

Sakura snapped, her anger again getting the better of her, and she stepped forward, put her hands on the back of her teammates' heads, and smacked their foreheads together. She ground her teeth for a second before she remembered that one of the boys rolling around on the floor in agony, clutching their heads, was the love of her life. She dove to his side to try and offer comfort but he recovered his cool too quickly and climbed to his feet and glared at her.

"Oh, umm…I'm so sorry." She blushed. She'd been so un-ladylike in front of Sasuke today, and now she'd actually hurt him! "Are you okay?"

"I'm sure it's nothing a kiss couldn't make up for." Naruto said behind her, already leaning from his position on the ground.

Sakura stood up, and then ground Naruto's face into the dirt with her heel.

"Enough. What did you want to say?" Sasuke asked, standing apart and trying to regain his composure after arguing with the idiot and allowing himself to be humiliated by the fangirl.

"Oh, well, I was just going to say that a hundred second's already gone by."

"A hundred seconds?" Naruto asked, climbing to his feet and brushing dirt off of his clothes. He had a big smile of his face, which pissed off his teammates, who knew the fighting and even the head trauma had all entertained him.

"Catching Kakashi-sensei." Sakura said.

"Oh, right, totally forgot. Did he give us a time limit this time?" Naruto's smile widened. At a certain point, this could be a waiting game. Give it a few days and Kakashi would come to him.

"Oh no you don't." Sakura caught his shoulder when he'd turned to leave. "You're not ditching training so you can… go and do whatever you do. You're helping."

Sasuke would have settled for pretty much anyone else being on his team. The dog boy was at last a half-decent fighter. The lazy Nara was supposed to be some sort of strategic genius. That Akimichi seemed quiet… anyone but these two. He'd hoped that they would washout quickly, but since all of the missions were essentially chores and their sensei was lazy, there had been nothing to stop them.

Sasuke wandered off, considering all of the likeliest hiding places where he might find Kakashi, but he picked up the pace when he realised his idiot teammates where following him. Great.

"Hold on, Sasuke-kun, don't leave without us!" Naruto gushed, chasing after him with that irritating smirk on his face.

Sasuke led the search for the most part, using an expanding search grid that eventually covered the entire village when it became clear Kakashi wasn't going to be making this easy for them.

After three hours of running around, Sasuke knew that Kakashi was also on the move, since the only signs they'd found of him (which Sasuke wasn't convinced were genuine) had been all over the place. A few of them had definitely been strategically placed, including on that led them to the Academy (that was a message, Sasuke was sure of it), one that led them into the red light district and one that took them to a hot spring.

The worse part about the goose chase had been Naruto's running commentary. And he jokes about stopping the red light district for a few hours before resuming. On the bright side, if there was one, Sasuke and Sakura got to see Naruto smacked in the face with a wooden bucket when he tried finding Kakashi in what happened to be the women's side of the bath house.

His nose had bled for half an hour and it had made Sasuke's day.

After the first three hours of following Sasuke's perfect, textbook search and coming up with nothing, other than a bloody nose and sore feet, Sakura suggested a new way to search. Instead of searching randomly according to a generic pattern, they should examine what they know about their sensei.

After twenty minutes, checking the memorial stone and the erotica section of the bookshop, they were at a loss.

"We could always check out his house." Naruto said, scratching himself and failing to recognise how useful that information would have been hours ago.

"You know where he lives?" Sasuke asked, incredulously. It was unlikely that Kakashi would be there, since he'd been leaving false clues all over the village, but it was strange that Naruto knew where their sensei lived when none of them seemed to know much about the man.

"Sure."

"How do you know Kakashi-sensei lives?" Sakura asked.

"Followed him one day."

"He took you to his house?" Sakura said.

"No. I followed him without him knowing because, you know, I'm a ninja." Naruto said slowly. "Honestly, it shouldn't be such a foreign concept to you guys."

"He knew you were following him." Sasuke said.

"I'm not so sure. Would you want Naruto knowing where _you_ live, Sasuke-kun."

"Hn. Fair point."

"Hey, I resent that!" Naruto said. "It's not like I've ever blown up Kakashi's place. Or either of yours. I'm totally trustworthy."

"You're not supposed to blow up people's houses!" Sakura admonished him.

"Wait. You know where we live?" Sasuke asked.

"Same way I know Kakashi's." Naruto smiled widely.

"Why were you following us, freak!"

"Was thinking about blowing up your houses."

"What!?" Sakura screamed.

"Hey, I didn't. Why don't I ever get credit for all the things I _don't _blow up?"

"Oh my god, I'm going to have to move. I'm gonna have to convince my parents…" Sakura hated knowing more about Naruto. Every time she learned something new, it just made her feel worse.

"This is a waste of time. Tell us where his place is. Might as well check it out." Sasuke said.

"It's nearby." Naruto swaggered off. It was a shame. He'd been hoping to surprise them at some point by knowing where they lived, but he'd just have to enjoy having unsettled them.

Plus he could still blow up their homes. Well, Sakura's place he could blow up, Sasuke's would be harder. He could blow up all the stuff in Sasuke's apartment but taking out the whole building would probably get him labelled as a nuke-nin without the hour.

Hell, it was a miracle he wasn't a missing-nin considering what he already destroyed.

The trio arrived at the nondescript house and the more rational pair were sceptical.

"This is supposed to be Kakashi's place?" Sasuke said.

"Sure. What, you thought the bottom half of it would have a mask covering it or something. Come on, let's break in and mess with his stuff."

"We're not doing that, idiot!" Sakura would have punched him but Sasuke was between them.

"Well, what else are we supposed to do?" Naruto griped, already considering the flashiest way he could take down the structure.

"How about this?" Sasuke walked through the gateway, up to the door, and knocked.

"Hmph, always do things the boring way." Naruto moped as he followed behind.

Sakura came last, already planning their next search area.

The door creaked open and behind it stood a tiny grey-haired woman with a smile on her face.

"Good afternoon. How can I help you?" She said.

"We're sorry to bother you, ma'am. We're looking for our sensei." Sakura said, respectfully.

"Your sensei? Oh, I see, you're shinobi. How cute. My Jin was a shinobi too." Her wrinkled smile widened as she reminisced. "He was a strapping young man when we met, just after he became a Jounin. Going on missions all the time but he always made time for me." She wiped a tear from her eye.

"We're really sorry to bother you." Sakura said.

"Not at all, dear. Wait, could you be the Genin I hired fix my roof? I thought you wouldn't be coming until next week. How marvellous!" She brightened even further. "Your sensei isn't here yet but maybe you'd like to come in and I can make you some lemonade while we wait. I think I have some sweets in my cupboard-" The frail old woman was cut off when Naruto's fist drove its way into her stomach.

"Ha! Nice try!" Naruto shouted, looking triumphant.

"Oh my good, Naruto! Why would you do that?!" Sakura rushed to help the old woman.

"It's clearly Kaka-sensei. And I just won."

Sasuke looked to the elderly woman clutching her stomach and trembling on the ground while Sakura tried in vain to help her. "She's clearly not, dobe."

Naruto looked to the woman on the ground, took a step away from the doorway, looked at the house next door, and said, "Wait, was it this house or the next one?" He scratched the back of his head.

Sasuke tried not to gape, he really did, but he'd just watched his teammate assault an innocent old woman and then laugh about it.

"Well… even if she isn't Kakashi, she could be a witch. I read about this once, she would have fattened us up and then tried to eat us!" Naruto said.

"That's a fairytale, moron."

"Well, I guess the only thing left to do is destroy the evidence." Naruto said, pulling out a scroll and brush.

"What?" Sasuke asked, taking a step back.

"Well, this will cause us all trouble. I can make it look like a gas leak. Stand back, I'll have this building down in no time."

"Naruto, there's no way-" Sasuke said before being interrupted.

"That's enough, Naruto." Kakashi said, appearing in a burst of smoke where the injured octogenarian had been gasping for breath, looking completely fine.

"The witch transformed into Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto screamed with a smile.

"Very funny. I thought one of you followed me a few weeks ago. If I'd know it was you, I would have moved already." He frowned at Naruto. "And I might take this to the Hokage, Naruto. You can't go around punching the elderly on a hunch."

"It wasn't a hunch, sensei. I knew it was you."

"It could have been a visitor or my mother, and you would have nearly crippled an innocent bystander. Leaf shinobi don't do that."

"Yeah, sure they don't. But I knew it was you behind the henge, and not just because it's you're house."

"How could you tell?"

"Yeah, how could you see through a Jounin's disguise?" Sakura questioned.

"His eyes. When he smiles, he's good at making it convincing, but only with one eye. The other one didn't look happy."

"One of his eyes didn't look happy? For that, you punched an old woman?" Sasuke said, kicking himself for not noticing that too.

"What if she'd had a stroke or something?" Sakura asked.

"That would have been embarrassing." Naruto laughed.

"That was very impressive, Naruto. So impressive, I might just let you off the hook for showing up at my door."

"Just following orders, captain, sensei, sir!"

Kakashi sighed. "I didn't think any of you would find me here, and I don't want my things wrecked, so we'll stop this exercise here. You two," He nodded to Sasuke and Sakura, "can relax."

The two breathed a sigh of relief and got out of their fighting stances.

"Let's go and get a late lunch and you can debrief me on your search patterns. I saw some of it but I want to know how you chose your grid, who took the lead and everything else." Kakashi said.

"Can't we just do it here?" Naruto said, peering around the man into the dark hallway.

"And let you plant half a dozen traps in my home? No. And if you come back and try it later, Naruto, you'll regret it." Of course, Kakashi fully intended to move now but he wanted to ensure Naruto didn't strike before he could move his things out.

"Yes, sir, Kakashi, sir!" Naruto saluted again.

"So, you were watching us?" Sasuke said as they all started towards a café a few streets over.

"Of course. It's only proper to supervise my precious little students."

"Did you see the hot spring?" Sasuke said with a smirk.

"Yes, I believe I was there for that part." Kakashi said.

Sakura would have been flabbergasted by Sasuke showing such lechery if she didn't know that the two males were instead talking about seeing Naruto get hit in the face. That had been the day's highlight for her too.

"So, why did you start in the south-western section of the village?" Kakashi began.

-OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO-

_~August 11__th__ 12 A.K.A.- Later that afternoon~_

"Ready for another mission, Team 7?" Sarutobi said, smiling down at them.

"Sure are." Kakashi said.

"Hokage-sama." Sasuke said, bowing his head until acknowledged.

"Yes, Sasuke-kun?"

"May I request a higher-ranked mission, sir?"

"A higher rank, you say?" Sarutobi looked to Kakashi. "Have you spoken to your sensei about this?"

"At length." Kakashi admitted.

"Hmm."

"Hokage-sama." Sakura copied Sasuke's deferential action.

"Yes, please, speak freely, all of you." The leader said, chuckling a little when the Uchiha boy and the Haruno girl shot wary looks at Naruto.

"I agree with Sasuke-kun. We would all gain more valuable experience on a more challenging mission." Sakura said.

"Perhaps. What do you have to say, Naruto?" He asked.

"Nothing, sir." He said.

"Very well. Kakashi, are your team ready for a C-rank mission?"

"Their teamwork is probably the worst I've ever seen on a graduated team, their skills are still terribly unbalanced, and I'm not sure they would survive every D-rank, let alone a mission out of the village." Kakashi said.

"So you don't think they're ready." Sarutobi said. Humiliating, though this might be for them, maybe Team 7 would be motivated by this admonition.

"I didn't say that, Hokage-sama. No, I think a good-ol' C-rank might be just the thing to bring us all closer together. Or to weed out one of the weaker ones. Either way, Team 7 might benefit from something more dangerous."

"If you say so." Sarutobi blew out some smoke. "I might have something for you, the last C-rank of the day."

"That'll do." Kakashi said.

"Read the parameters before accepting it. I'm not convinced your team is ready for something like this."

"Of course, Hokage-sama." Kakashi stepped forward and accepted the scroll. He opened it and started read, glancing at his Genin once or twice as he went. "I can step in if trouble arises, and I can keep their contact with the client to the minimum throughout."

"On your head be it, then. Best of luck, Team 7." The hokage said.

"Thank you, Hokage-sama." Kakashi said, bowing and leaving.

Sasuke and Sakura gave quick bows before following, and lastly Naruto gave a bow and turned to leave.

"Before you go, how have you been, Naruto?" Sarutobi said.

Naruto didn't turn around, saying, "Fit for duty, Hokage-sama," as he walked out of the office.

Outside, Kakashi lead them to an alley where they could discreetly discuss the mission. "Well, this is going to be an interesting turn of events. We're going to be escorting the niece of the Daimyo along the border of Fire and Ink. She will have her own, much more skilled, guards with her, but we will serve as backup against any wild animal attacks or bandits. We'll travel with her entourage for about a week before handing her off to the next team."

"A princess?! Bandits?!" Naruto had sparkles in his eyes.

"It's not a movie, dobe." Sasuke said, hiding how excited he was by his first real mission, especially if there would be combat involved.

"Don't get too excited. The chance of combat on this mission is ranked as low, which is why they are sending a bunch of rookies to do it. They don't leave princesses to be guarded by the likes of you three unless they probably won't need guarding. Think of it more like a hiking trip where you'll also have to fetch water and snacks for an aristocrat."

"What?" Naruto whined. So much for his chance to use his talents.

"Don't be such an idiot, Naruto." Sakura said. She didn't have the energy to scream at him anymore today.

"When do we leave?" Sasuke asked.

"In two hours. Gather supplies for 3 weeks and meet me at the gate at five. It will take around five days to reach the rendezvous point, we'll travel with the client for a week, and it should take about a week to get back from the handoff point."

"We're leaving today?" Sakura said, stopping herself short of openly questioning the team leader about leaving in the evening rather than the next morning.

"Yes, I don't want to have to rush the entire way there. We can get a few hours of travelling out of the way today. Any other questions?"

None were forthcoming.

"Then see you in a few hours."

None of the team had anyone they needed to talk to before departing. Sakura, the only one with loved ones still alive, was alone at the moment while her parents were travelling for business.

-OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO-

_~August 11__th__ 12 A.K.A.- 4:59pm~_

"I honestly didn't think you would all show up on time." Kakashi said as Naruto arrived, carrying a duffel bag and his giant orange scroll.

"Pot calling the kettle orange, there, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto said.

"Speaking of which, has anyone ever bothered to teach you the first thing about camouflage?" Kakashi asked.

"As if Sakura-chan's dress is any better." Naruto said.

"You might have a point." Kakashi said, shrugging his shoulders. "Well, since we're all here, let's set off. I'll take point, Naruto takes the rear, and you two flank the middle."

"Um, sensei, aren't we supposed to do equipment checks and confirm battle strategies before departing." Sakura said, recalling the two lectures and three books that had confirmed that procedure.

"That's the issue with rookie Genin. All about the book learning, no field experience. The only time you check someone's equipment is when you don't believe they've packed enough. Sasuke is sensible, he's brought just enough rations to last, as well as all the weapons he could fit in his pack. Sakura, you've probably brought some extra clothes, less food that you should bring but enough to stop you starving and maybe a couple of weapons, and Naruto will have sealed all that he needs in his scroll.

"He could have three months rations and a dining-room table with him for all I know. Either way, I trust that none of you are stupid enough to have brought dulled weapons or failed to pack food. And if you did, you'll just have to nicely ask your teammates for charity."

"Yes, sensei." Sakura said, cowed by the fact that she had indeed packed a change of clothes and had consciously cut down on the food she wanted to bring since she was still on a strict diet.

"Good. Let's go." Kakashi said, handing the mission scroll to the gatekeepers and then leading his team out into the wider world.

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A/N: As with my other secondary fics, I make no promises that this will be continued, but if the will remains, I might. Who knows.

For those of you wondering when HI or SNN will come back… I don't know about the latter, but the former has not been totally forsaken. I will continue it at some point, and hopefully another chapter will arrive sometime in the not too distant future.

If you like this story (or didn't, I suppose), give this a review and let me know.


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